Bank of America - The Fourth Reich

The ugly megalo-corporate beast that is B.O.A. has been stealing my money. Three hundred and forty dollars of it, to be exact. You see, when I pay my credit card bill on-line it's like playing Russian Roulette with my finances. Either B.O.A. takes my money (as it should, because I'm actually giving it to them), or they tell me they're going to take it, decide against doing so, and slap me with a "Payment Reversal" fee of $25. Then, because they claim they never got my money, they charge me a late fee of $29.

I decided I'd had enough of it, and called them. Do you know that after going through every single option they have on their automated system (Press 1 for account balance. Press 2 for Spanish. Press 3 for Monkeys. Press 210 for The Holy Father, Himself), they never once mention speaking to a human? So I pressed zero out of frustration (you see, "zero" isn't an option mentioned in the system). It actually worked and a person came on the line.

To make a long story short, Ms. E, my Account Supervisor, is an evil pig licking whore. After trying to teach her the logic behind my theory that if my online account with B.O.A. keeps a record of my bank routing number and account number, and I never have to enter it in manually, and that SOMETIMES it works and SOMETIMES it doesn't and that means it can't possibly be my fault, and subsequently getting nowhere with her really, I asked if the words "Better Business Bureau" meant anything to her.

We left it with my filing a formal complaint. And so help me God, they will get the money they say I owe them when I grow a third breast in the middle of my forehead and prostitute myself to blind, homeless men with a fetish for breast cancer survivors.