Wow. Would you just look at Jessic...whoa. Who the HELL is that? Poor Jess. She got herself a Designated Ugly Fat Friend to make herself feel better for shagging Adam Levine from Maroon 5 and the many purported STD's he carries with him wherever he goes - but now the DUFF seems to be taking away all her attention. Honestly. What's the first thing you notice in the picture? It's not Jessica's poorly rooted hair extensions. Nor is it that catastrophe of a dress (see through, polka dots AND lacy arm cut-out-thingys?) and boring shiny shoes. No, my friends, your keen eyes instinctively gravitate towards the monstrosity behind La Simpson who looks like she may at any moment swallow her whole. I don't much care for jiggly arm fat and stretch marks...but I can't look away. God help me...I just can't!*As a side note, when putting Spellcheck to work, it suggests to replace "Jessica's" with "cheesecake". And I mean, I can't blame it really. Jessica is about as emotive as cheesecake. Cheesecake sells more than Jessica. And cheesecake is definitely smarter than Jessica. Seriously, one time I saw Jessica Simpson talking to a piece of cheesecake for 15 minutes before realizing it was a piece of food. Even then she didn't know what to do with it so she put it in her car's gas tank.
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