Welcome Back, Jabba

I was just thinking the other day: "God...you know what this site needs (besides corporate funding)? More Mariah."

And so feast your eyes on the Amazonian hissy-fit-thrower in her signature ugly clothing.

You know I spoil you.

Oh, Honey...No

JABBA HUNGRY! ME EAT YOUR HEAD! *chomp, chomp*

Seriously...last time I checked, a $7.99 Walmart special on Men's XL Fruit of the Loom t-shirts weren't en vogue. But what do I know, right?

Thanks to Hollywood rag for the picture, as I stole it from their site.

Mariah Is Thirsty. And Fat.

I can understand her demands for hotels to roll out red carpets, covered with fresh rose petals before Mariah will put her delicate hammer-toed feet on the ground. I can even let the rumors of her being carried around the set of a music video shoot because said feet are sore (pressumably from the numerous corns and open sores caused from her hooker-heeled shoes) slide. But having your girl-servant straw feed you water when you're thirsty? Although...Mariah is looking quite "Jabba the Hutt". The logical progression is just to have her assistant dress up as Princess Leia.

Well Hello There, Fatty

Now...what's creepier?

a) The fact that her face looks like fat was injected into it with a turkey baster
b) The folds of fatty tissue near her armpit
c) The fact that she has no underwear on
d) Her new double chin
or e) The fact that she makes more money in one day than I do in 5 years

Tough call.