Ah…Thanksgiving. A time to celebrate family, great food and the ceremonial “unzipping of the pants in front of the tube”. I know I like a good pants unzipping, boy howdy! Since my family is about as normal as you can get (you know, a fist fight with my brother here, a little sloppy-drunken confession there…) I decided to extrapolate how two of my favorite stars spend their holiday, based solely upon conjecture and those really accurate newspaper articles (like, from the UK's The Sun).
The Spears-Federlines:
Britney: “MAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Paaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww! Jamie Lynn! Break out the Cheetos, y’all! Cletus and the baby and me are staaaaaaaaaaarving. God, I haven’t eaten in like…2 hours.
Cletus: “B, you made me stop at the MacDonald’s down the road 10 minutes ago because you said you needed a little snack.”
Britney: “Oh my gawd, y’all! Do I smell gravy?! Here, Jamie Lynn – take Sean. Preston. Whatever the hell it’s name is. I need some foooooooood!
Jamie Lynn: “Um, sis? Where is the baby?”
Britney: “Wha..? Oh! He’s in his carrying case. See, it’s made of fur, so it’s really like, comforting and womb-like! And when he cries, I just zip the bag closed and that’s that. Plus the papperatsi...popperoatsey? The mean people with cameras can never see him...Oh LORD! Is that Mama’s green bean casserole!?”
The Hiltons
Paris: “Why can’t Baby Luv and Tinkerbell eat at the grown-up table?”
Min: “Because you’re retarded. Now shut the Hell up and eat your God-damned turkey. And so help me God put down that Red Bull or I’ll kick your boney, misshapen little ass. Paris. Paris! Put that monkey bear thing down! It might catch one of your STD's.”
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