Ode To Slinky

As some of you know, two years ago I purchased a baby ferret because I wanted something to love me unconditionally. Something furry and cute. Ferrets are furry and cute. But they also smell something fierce. After I got over my Slinky being perpetually rancid, we became quite close. Such pet names as "Stinky", "Stinkerbell", "Little Bastard", "Get-Over-Here-You-Fucker" and just "Hey You!" were added to my repertoire of friendly jibes while playing with him.

He ate the food I gave him each day, and occasionally left me small gifts in return while he was let out of his cage to recreate. Small gifts in the form of shit on the floor of my bathroom. But I digress.

When I walked through the door to my apartment last night it appeared that Slinky had left me yet another present: he dug a hole right into the saddle (you know, the piece of wood at the threshold of doors) of my front door. This could only mean one thing; he had escaped. But where to? I'll tell you. He went into my living room, climbed up my sofa, onto the coffee table situated next to my open-yet-screened window. He then proceeded to tear open a hole in said screened window.

Apparently the hole in the saddle was ferret speak for "Fuck you, I'm outta' here!" I guess all those times I told him to go play in traffic got to him.

*Update - Slinky was found about three nanoseconds after his Great Escape. He walked right up to my neighbor who then kindly returned him. His cage is triple pad-locked with retinal scanning capabilities.