NYC Fashion Week

Puffins got to go; I didn't. Chloe Sevigny also got to attend, although I'm not quite sure why. Because, as I may have mentioned before, she obviously can't dress herself, and she has no real acting credits to her name. Yet there she is, oily hair and smug smile thinking, "my coat is so bitchin'. I'm so glad I stopped through Connecticut and happened to come across that barn. The horse doesn't need this blanket; it has like...fur. And besides, it totally looks better on me."

Ho-Bag Returnths

Puff, Nan the Blogless Porkchop and I went out to dinner on Saturday before going to a Chocolate Making Class. The hostess sat me down at a table while I was waiting for my friends to show up, and who do you think takes my drink order?! HO-BAG!

On one hand I was really excited because she wasn't dead, like I had feared; in fact, she was still Ho-alicious. On the other hand, I briefly wondered if I should ask her to wear gloves whilst handling my food, lest I catch one of her many STD's.

But I digress...

Ho-Bag has one nasty little lisp. And afther justht one Ketel One and Tonic I couldn't help but thay everything with a lithp. I mean, it wath tho hard to keep a thraight fathe while the Queen of Trojanths wath athking me if we needed anthing elth. I was completely bethidths mythelf. Jutht athk anyone.

*No, that's not a picture of Ho-Bag. Ho-Bag looks more diseased.

My Goodies

It seems to be a staple at any party I throw. Titty taps. The rules? Only women and gay men are allowed to participate, though straight men always look on in awe. And most likely, longing. However, new rule! Puff, they might be large, but my ta-tas are NOT bongo drums. Play on.

Blank Slate

My take on Paris Hilton has always been that she is quite mannish - dare I say transvestite like. Therefore, when my friend Puff told me he dressed as the aforementioned, famous-for-no-good-reason whore for Halloween, it didn't surprise me much. Nor did it surprise me that he looked much hotter than Ms. Hilton. But I digress. Per Puff's suggestion, I've decided to start my own blog.

Those of you visiting who previously received my updates via e-mail, welcome to the new format. Those of you who have no idea what I am referring to, I'll be setting up archives shortly so you don't feel left out. In any event, check back regularly for updates.