Disco Inferno

What up, bitches?! It's the C to the H to the L to the O to the E. I'm so totally stoked about my upcoming gig in which I play a love interest to a polygamist played by...are you ready? Are you sure you're ready? Bill Paxton! I know, you're like, so totally jealous and shit. A real actor! I mean, Twister? Apollo 13? He's so accomplished! Not like that serial-killer look alike Vincent. I was so jazzed about being one of his three wives in the show, that I made sure to wear a dress that has absolutely no support for my supple sistahs, if you know what I'm sayin'! And just check out these kicks, man! Totally Gloria Gaynor circa 1978. Yeah...I'm totally happy with the way my life is turning out. All you naysayers can suck it! Peace!

Vincent Gallo Has Large Ego, Probably Not Much Else

I know, I know...you don't even know who Vincent Gallo is. Suffice to say his greatest accomplishment is getting blown by Chloe Sevigny (yeah...who?) in The Brown Bunny (hand to God, it was a movie. In theaters. O.k., like, two theaters, but that's more than I can say about my movie. Which doesn't even have a cast. Or a script).

Where was I? Oh, right, I'm an unknown, starving artist and Vincent Gallo is selling his sperm for $1 million. Good news if you're black; he won't let you have his baby. Not so good news if you're the direct descendant of a Hitler Youth; you get a $50,000 discount. For the full ad and to read about the approximate size of his junk: http://www.vgmerchandise.com/misc.html.

What little I know about Mr. Gallo (and by little I mean nothing) his ad, if indeed real, is probably flowery socio-political commentary on Nazi abortions. Or something like that. Because Vincent Gallo is an artist man. You just don't understand. What I don't understand is why you would post your own mugshots on the front page of your website. But that's just me. I'm old skool.