Everyone Hates Jessica Simpson

Further proving that God has a personal vendetta against JSimp, People reports the aging, crappy-pop-singer-turned-overeater's-anonymous-country-"star" was witness to her Ewok maltipoo, Daisy, getting munched on by a coyote.

Simpson declared on her Twitter page, "my heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping."

So, to recap, not content just to see Jessica's career wiped off the face of the Earth, God has now upped the ante.

Bride of Frankenstein

Jessica Simpson, a woman whom I imagine can barely walk and think at the same time, took time out of her busy schedule of eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes with extra gravy to roll down the catwalk at the Ozlem Suer show in Paris. They say black is very slimming. But there's just so much a ruffled, black satin wreath hung round one's Elvira-like coif can do to suck attention away from armpit rolls.

Tranny Simpson

This was taken at the recent MET Costume Gala, where everyone aparently arrives with ill fitting or just plain ugly clothing.

I've seen pre-op transsexuals more feminine than this lady (?).

Jessica Simpson Is A Mouth Breather

Going out the other night, Jessica Simpson was snapped by photographers at least 100 times, and each time, she looked like the picture to the left. She looks like she should be cheuffered around in a minivan with pillows taped to the passenger window so when she beats her head against it her helmet doesn't cause any damage, but instead she's banging John Mayer in the back of his tourbus. Wait...that's pretty much the same thing.

Pull It Together, Bitch

Dear Jessica:

I know things aren't going well for you right now, but as the black & white movies of the 40's and 50's tell you, things will turn out right. Sure, you have a creepy father who's Hell bent on ruining your career, you divorced a relatively good looking man and the tabloids painted you an unfaithful whore, you can't sing, and your once-uglier-than-you-but-she-got-a-nose-job-and-now-she's-playing-the-lead-role-in-the-British-version-of-Chicago-sister is upstaging you. So you're a little stressed-out and might be gaining some weight. So your ex-husband is dating a hot chick who still has a job on TV.

I'm pretty sure I was supposed to tell you where things would be OK, but Jesus...you might as well run to the store and stock up on some pills and razor blades now.

Love,
Min

PS - You look like shit - having a gay hairstylist does not automatically make him good at what he does.

Train Wreck

Just thought I'd post a photo dipicting the downward spiral of career suicide that is Jessica Simpson, shown with the new Simpson the Slightly Better, Yet Still Retarded.

**Make sure to click on the photo to enlarge it**