This Person's Existance Bothers Me

I would like to introduce you to my new arch nemesis: Brian Hugh Warner. You may know him as Marilyn Manson.

"Why do you dislike him so much, Min?" you must be asking yourself. I'll tell you. His entire premise of creativity is based on being "shocking". Oh my, he wears black lipstick and contacts that make his eyes appear completely white. How. Fucking. Shocking.

His entire popularity (and I use the term loosely) stems from his ability to exploit high school outcasts like himself. Boo hoo, you were born ugly, so you write songs explaining how hateful pretty people are. The Beautiful People are obviously intellectually and artistically inferior to you because they don't walk around in androgynous Lycra bodysuits on MTV or design album covers that display gratuitous piles of blood and/or random body parts. You are so scandalous, Brian.

Moreover, I think his music is absolutely terrible. Structurally, poetically, and any other -ally.

Also, it's nearly 80 degrees in London and he's wearing that.

Tres Sheikh

This chick is totally nutters. She looks like she's off to a Muslim Roller Derby, not a date with the Stairmaster.

Tranny Simpson

This was taken at the recent MET Costume Gala, where everyone aparently arrives with ill fitting or just plain ugly clothing.

I've seen pre-op transsexuals more feminine than this lady (?).

Cloe Sevigny: The Ugly Barbie

Brace yourselves...I'm about to compliment Chloe Sevigny, the woman whom I was certain was sent to Earth to become my mortal sartorial enemy.

She still looks like shit, to be sure...but look at those legs! If you just don't look at her from about the waist up, she looks tolerable.

Dear People Magazine:

If you continue to write articles titled "Get The Look! Courtney's Beachwear" while showing actual pictures of Courtney Love in bathingsuits, I am going to have to do something drastic. Like cut myself. You don't want that on your conscience, do you?

Britney On The Loose

Glad to see that stint in rehab helped you compose yourself, baldy. What the Hell did you dribble over your right boob? It looks like chucky, slightly opaque, liquid cocaine.

MK Olsen Eats The Living

Of course I'm only joking. I doubt she eats anything at all, but if she did...total flesh eating zombie. Are you with me?!

This Just In

Terri Hatcher of Desperate Housewives infamy (a show I have not once sat down to watch) claims she doesn't use Botox.

That's like saying I'm not an international spy/supermodel and a tiger in bed. Because I totally am. Rowwrrr, baby!

Jessica Simpson Is A Mouth Breather

Going out the other night, Jessica Simpson was snapped by photographers at least 100 times, and each time, she looked like the picture to the left. She looks like she should be cheuffered around in a minivan with pillows taped to the passenger window so when she beats her head against it her helmet doesn't cause any damage, but instead she's banging John Mayer in the back of his tourbus. Wait...that's pretty much the same thing.

Reason #4,987,667 Why Assuming Ugly People Don't Get It On Is The Moral Thing To Do

After watching this clip and throwing up in the waste paper basket conveniently located next to my desk, I have to wonder just what makes someone go on national television to disclose their relationship in the sack.

Their poor, most likely very ugly, children.

I just have to say though, that the look on David Spade's face at the end is absolutely priceless.