Everyone Hates Jessica Simpson

Further proving that God has a personal vendetta against JSimp, People reports the aging, crappy-pop-singer-turned-overeater's-anonymous-country-"star" was witness to her Ewok maltipoo, Daisy, getting munched on by a coyote.

Simpson declared on her Twitter page, "my heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping."

So, to recap, not content just to see Jessica's career wiped off the face of the Earth, God has now upped the ante.

Happy Birthday

This Saturday marks a momentous day: I turn 1/4 of a century old. But December 2nd means so much more to the world than just my birthday. Indeed, it is the day the Universe welcomed Britney Spears into its fold. Yes, the Lord giveth, and now we just have to wait for Him to taketh. Please...God...taketh.

Second Levishitkus 3:14, from the Chronicles of Min

"And Lo! Min was born. And she was good - in an evil way. And she was given the power to smite celebrities with her wit and it was good. And worshipers came from all lands to celebrate the birth of Her, bringing shiny things that smelled of diamonds. It was pretty kick-ass."

Paris Hilton Arrested

Dear God,

I'm sorry I said you didn't exist. Obviously, with Paris Hilton's recent arrest for DUI, you're trying to tell me I'm a lost little sheep, and I should come home. Thank you, God. I'm sorry again for doubting you.

Also, I would like a pink My Little Pony complete with brush set for Christmas this year.

-Min

*Picture of Paris crying after being denied entrance to popular night club Bungalow 8 in NYC last Thursday.